Here’s a good idea for an advert, don’t steal it*.
So this businessman-looking guy (mid-thirties, you’re thinking he maybe plays squash but probably rents the racquet) comes stumbling out of a telephone booth all covered in sweat and shaking pretty badly, but in that kind of manly way that says jesus you guys would not BELIEVE the shitfest that just went down in there seriously and not just, like, oh god oh god that was so horrible and I can’t really deal with elevators either I don’t know what it is but well hey that was like 35 seconds longer than last week right? or whatever. And he just stands there in the street, tie askew and five o’clock shadow starting to blue his moderately (but not insanely, like you’d immediately be all oh right, an advert guy) square jaw, with his eyes scrunched closed and face raised to the sky in silent prayer as life goes on around him in this big anonymous chrome and glass metropolis. And then after say two or maybe four minutes this soft pinkish snow begins to fall with an almost eerie delicacy while some fashionable emotive acoustic music starts to twinkle, and the camera pans and wheels out in a graceful yet dizzying arc and right as we feel we’re about to leave this curiously ambiguous vignette behind forever and spiral out backwards into the icy cosmos like a weird drunken meteor we suddenly crash-zoom all the way back in and the music stops and the man is immediately devoured by a massive greasy robo-alligator that just slithered right off a waiting bus like it was a fucking tourist or regular bus guy or some crazy thing. And then there’s a strange bit of dead air for a couple of seconds, barely enough to make you wonder if it’s a mistake or what the hell is happening here, and then you just get the pack shot of the product while a klaxon blares for seriously about another two minutes, yeah it’s quite a long advert and it wold be pretty expensive and annoying but you would probably remember it and maybe even be impressed or annoyed into buying the thing it wanted you to buy. Right now I’m thinking it should probably be an advert for a macrobiotic yoghurt drink or a range of travel-sized board games.
*If any of you are advertising moguls and currently nodding slowly with a sort of crazed grin starting to spread across your face because of this idea, I will only ask you for £3,000 and six of your travel-sized board games (your choice) or a month’s supply of macrobiotic yoghurt drink (my choice) if you want to steal it.
